In My Own Little World... A Warning

I am a goddess... to a select group of people. To some folks, I am the craziest bitch that has ever walked the face of the earth. Then there are others that are constantly confused by my interesting mixture of psychotic charm, maternal warmth, and manic flirtations. Yes, it sounds strange, but in my own little world... I rule! To my goddaughter, I am a fairy godmother. To my mother, I am a shameful waste of potential and a constant disappointment. To my co-workers, I am an unpredictable blend of irritated snob and dancing queen. And to my friends, well, I am just plan fun to watch. (More fun with tequila!) One of my friends consistently gives me the best compliments ever... I am breathtaking! And if men came equipped with her eyes, I'd never long for a date. To most of my ex-boyfriends, fuck buddies, and friends with benefits, I am orally gifted, emotionally damaged, and brutally honest. But no matter what, if they need me, I will usually have their back. Because even though I may talk shit about them, no other chick is allowed to!

So this post goes out to my future life partner. I won't say husband, because I honestly don't think I will ever get married. I'll be like Goldie Hawn, Susan Sarandon... my mother! My mom has been with the same man for 20 years, and she has no intention of marrying him. But back to the subject at hand.

To my future life partner:
I am many things to many people. And during various stages of our life together you may have to deal with both the positive and negative aspects of my personality and my relationships with my adopted family.
I have a sister and a brother and none of us are biologically related. But they are my family and I will always be there for them, good or bad.
Yes, I have an evil streak that would make Satan proud. But it's never for a prolonged period of time. My love always wins out over the meanness.
If I get angry and immediately vent, curse, throw things, then storm out of the room/house, chances are that I will calm down in an hour or so and become the rational human being you fell in love with. I'm just a little high strung at times.
My passionate nature is both an asset and a curse. But if I am icy, cold or flat out refuse to talk, it will take longer for me to get past whatever is going on.
Winters are bad.
Spring is wonderful.
You go down, I go down, we all go down, and it’s fun.
My goddaughters ARE my babies. I don't care who gave birth to them.
Chocolate makes everything more bearable!
When in doubt, call a friend, they will give you a lifeline and help you out of the madhouse that is my mind!
Yes I am a HUGE flirt. But I am a loyal person. I do not cheat on my man.
If you are good to me and recognize me as the goddess I am and appreciate me, no one will ever love you as well as I will.
Do what you say you will do and no one gets hurt :)
Only wake me up when it is absolutely necessary.
And lastly... Just remember, I can be your biggest cheerleader or worst nightmare, it all depends on you.

This concludes my warning.