The Villains of Valentine

My mother, sweet woman that she is, answered her phone this morning with a festive "Happy Valentine's Day". I responded, "happy VD mom". I know, not something one should say to the woman who gave them life. But I think my mom is starting to catch on that I am not the sweet child that she raised. I'm pretty sure that she has figured out that her only child is now a little hostile and bitter when it comes to romantic relationships. Bless her heart. However, on the flip side, she is also very understanding in some ways. This is afterall the same woman that works so much she doesn't bother to drive home some nights. I caught her this morning on the way home & she mentioned that she hadn't been home since Friday(!) and really hadn't even missed anything there besides her own shower. Yeah, I am my mother's daughter. I say this to explain part of my personality that has become a source of discussions lately. I don 't like excessively clingy men!
Usually I would go into my annual "Valentine's Day Sucks" rant. But I've done that every year since one of my friend's boyfriends felt me up when she left him alone with me! I've had ONE good Valentine in my whole life. It was beautiful & hopefully one year, before I die, I'll have another one. So for now I'll just complain about men I've dumped before V-day!

I hate to break up with guys. As a matter of fact, I usually don't break up with them. I just manipulate them into breaking up with me. Don't get me wrong, I don't do anything drastic like cheat on them with their father or engage in any other kind of Jerry Springer-like behavior. I simply change my body language and the way I speak to them. But the thing that I am most guilty of is just not calling them... Ever. Now I know this is cowardly behavior. And when guys do it, it usually pisses me off. But when it comes to breaking up, I am a big hypocrite.

Going through the motions
I had a boyfriend a few years back that I really liked. Well I thought I did. As it turned out, the thing I liked best about him was that he was crazy about me and treated me like I was his fantasy sprung to life. Unfortunately, crazy turned out to be a good description of our relationship. I can honestly say he is the only boyfriend I have ever physically tried to kill. He brought out every ugly trait in me I never knew I had! (does that make sense?) I broke up with him twice, only to take him back both times. Finally I had had enough of our chaotic union, I decided to force him to break up with me. It took about 2-3 weeks for my plan to work though. I got really boring. I mean REALLY uninterested... In everything! I basically just went through the motions with him. We'd walk hand in hand, but I wouldn't talk. I kiss him goodbye like a dutiful housewife and walk away. He'd meet me after our day and I would address him in a monotone. Finally I made him miserable and bored enough to dump me. The backfire came when I started dating someone else and he stalked us. But I found that this technique of getting guys to break up with me was quite effective!

I'm so busy
I briefly dated one guy I met through work one year. We didn't work in the same company, just the same building. He was very sweet, but clingy. At first it didn't bother me, it was actually kind of cute. He would call me in the morning before I got in the shower, hang up, then call me back because he missed my voice. AWWW. But that started to get annoying. One day I was running a little late and cut our phone call short by telling him that I was running late and on my way to shower but I would talk to him later. I got in the shower and the phone started ringing again. Thinking it was someone else, I answered it. It was him again. I asked what he needed, and he gave me that I just need to hear your voice again shit again & I hung up on him. He called back thinking I had accidentally dropped the phone. So I snapped at him that he was making me even later now and hung up again. After that incident he got even more clingy. He's come to my job, walk me to my car. Call every day 5 times a day. Leave messages. Some women like this behavior, but I don't. At least not after the first few months. So I had to end it. I stopped answering the phone and was always "too busy to talk" when he got me at work. After a month or so, he finally gave up on me. Whew!
Yep, I'm single for a reason.